I don't think of myself as a perfectionist. My house isn't particularly tidy, and my office, try as I might, is cluttered and unorganized. I don't expect perfection from my friends, and I'm usually not too hard on myself when I screw up. But lately I've noticed a tendency in myself that I'd never noticed before. A need to be perfect.

John McMullen's last sermon here at FUMC touched on how the need for perfection can paralyze you into inaction and then our new Pastor John touched on that topic again. That's what happened with this blog. I've been reading so many other blogs that I've given up on writing one myself because I can't measure up to other peoples writing.

I cannot tell you the number of times that I've told my children not to compare themselves to others, and yet I've spent months doing it. Nothing good comes out of beating yourself up because you have not done what the president/movie star/your 2nd cousin has done.

My Greek class is another example of my issues with perfection. I try not to be prideful about most things, but my school work is something that I tend to be pretty proud of. I do well. I expect an A or B+ from myself. Never mind that I work full-time, and have a family, and like to spend some time with my friends, and try to take care of myself physically. Surely I can do everything. Apparently I've been supermom in my own mind.

Until Greek. Greek has beaten my ego to a pulp. I've never been in danger of failing a class. NEVER. I've never had my hair fall out because I am so stressed. I've never encountered a situation where I've given my all, and still found myself floundering. Yet, (and here is my real problem) there are others in my class who are doing just fine.

Ouch.

Who said that I had to be at the top of my class? Who said that I had to compare myself to other people? Who said I had to be perfect?

Not God.

So here is what I think I'm learning this summer. If God can love me despite my many inadequacies, then I should, at the very least, give myself a break. I am not perfect. This is not news.

So I will continue to share some of my random thoughts about membership here for you. Just don't expect perfection. Ha.